As We Share Our Stories, We Share Ourselves...
"There is Never a Wrong Place to Start a Story".
From the unhurried, scorchingly dry heat of the Arizona Desert to the frantic pulse & bright lights of New York City at just 18yrs old, I have had anything but a “normal” life. My dreams of becoming a working, if not famous actor/singer/dancer were short lived when I found myself, more taken in by the allure of the NYC nightlife and gay club scene. The power & prestige of NYC Nightlife fueled by Alcohol, Drugs and Sex would continue to play a large part in my life for the next decade. Until one day finally I just quit! No Rock Bottom, No Intervention, No Rehab, No 12 Step Programs, nothing.
Except, I didn’t consider Alcohol to be a problem at the time. So, I continued to drink...
Until it slowly and effortlessly became one of the biggest problems I would ever have to face in my life.
I had tried over the years quitting on my own, with some moderate success and had done some AA meetings here and there but just kept going back.
It wasn’t until the Summer/Fall of 2014 that things were so bad that I decided to admit myself to an inpatient detox facility in upstate New York. After the 6-day detox I continued with an outpatient program for about 8 months or so and followed a 12-step program format.
The problem was I hadn’t decided to do it for me but for my image, my reputation or my relationship. I could have just been afraid of being found out or caught. Things felt like they were unraveling so before someone could tell me I needed to get help or if I didn’t get help, blah, blah, blah… I beat them to the punch. So once again I was quitting for all the wrong reasons, yes I was sober, but I was absolutely 100% just as miserable as I was when I was drinking, if not more so now.
Don’t believe me?
By February of 2017 my weight had reached over 300lbs and I am only 5’9” tall. This was definitely not freedom and certainly no way to live.
I remained mostly sober until December of 2019. I say mostly because I was starting to hide and lie like I had before and it was all coming back to me like a bad dream so the most honest part of it was, I really dont recall.
The shame and the blame took over and that was it. How could I let all those people down? How could I go back to a day 1? How could I ever tell anyone about this?
It didnt take long for the judgment of others to fade and I then really started drinking again. It was just a roller coaster of binge drinking and stopping. Getting “healthy” for a month or so then starting the cycle all over again. I kept saying to myself “It’s like I have amnesia every time and just can’t remember how bad it just was to detox from this stuff last time, but let’s see if this time will be different”!
When I found the book “This Naked Mind” by Author and Founder Annie Grace in April of 2021 it was quite by accident. When I read it, things immediately started to click. It was incredible to hear someone talk about this subject this way and I couldn’t even believe it. It was like someone had taken all the thoughts I had in my head about this, that no one who was supposed to be trying to help and support me would listen to and put them in a book.
In late October of 2021 I detoxed from my last drinking binge to date.
Enrolling in the program to become a Certified Coach with This Naked Mind was not a choice I had to make. I only had to do the next right thing. My path had been cleared and my new life was waiting on the other side. I just had no idea how quickly and how amazingly it was going to happen and how differently it would feel this time. I know this approach works. I am living proof after not only putting down the bottle, but I also dropped 80lbs and turned my severely declining health around in record time.
When I tell you I have tried every program imaginable to fix all of the things I thought were wrong with me, I am not lying. It wasn’t until I heard Annie's words and put her methodologies into practice that I finally did it. Things like "Stop quitting, quitting, you are not broken, and you don’t need to be fixed", resonated so deeply. From that place of acceptance and allowance, I have been able to put down the shame and the blame. In doing so I have transformed my long-time dreams into my reality like never before.
We do have the Power to create our own Reality. That is why being aware of our thoughts is so important. You get what you think about, whether you want it or not...
